


Like I'm Saying Goodbye

by gIasswings



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Suicide Attempt, autistic star, cry damn you, dissociative marco, lowkey tho, nonbinary boy marco, sometimes things end, temporary starco, tomco - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-29 11:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gIasswings/pseuds/gIasswings
Summary: sometimes things end. and sometimes you don't want things to end.inspired by a recent breakup of mine.





	1. break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can ao3 stop eating my fic because i have special characters in them?

Perfectly content and snuggled into his pillow, limbs strew all over his bed carelessly, one Marco Diaz slept. His mobile that was laid next to him on his nightstand buzzed a low buzz, moving slightly as it vibrated a few times, indicating he has been texted. The buzzes penetrated his dream and he slowly emerged from it, rubbing his sleep filled eyes. He reached for the phone and brought it close.

On the lockscreen were the last few texts from his boyfriend, Tom Lucitor. The initial rush of happiness filled him at the mere thought of him. He didn't even read the texts before hugging the phone to his chest, sighing happily. It was quite obvious to everybody that he was madly, deeply, truly in love with Tom. Head over heels, even.

Ever since the mishap at the Blood Moon Ball and every incident after that, Tom and Marco have slowly been getting closer and closer until the inevitable happened. It felt natural, right, destined. Within the first few weeks of dating, the latinx boy had it bad. Shortly after Tom admitted he was in love with Marco. Marco was over the moon.

Marco allowed himself to glance at the texts finally, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

[Tom: Hey Marco?  
Tom: I'd like to talk u  
Tom: Important  
Tom: Txt me back when I can come over]

He let saliva collect in his mouth before swallowing it, grimacing at the feeling in his chest and stomach. Marco had a bad feeling about what Tom wanted to talk about. It wasn't exactly like him to be this vague, either. He felt his hands shaking and he forced himself to calm down and breathe. Maybe it wasn't bad. Maybe it was actually good. He unlocked his mobile and sent a quick #justwokeup selfie.

[Me: Sent IMG_20171X2X_jpg  
Me: Anytime is fine, mi sol]

Sitting up and straightening his pajamas and making his bed, he contemplated changing but Tom would be over quick. Marco sat at the edge of his bed, toying with his phone. He was overthinking, he knew that, but he couldn't stop himself. Part of being as organized as he was was also organizing scenarios and potential conversations. By the time the flames that indicated Tom teleported into his room manifested he was near tears. He quickly rubbed at his eyes and put on a better face, staring into the flames before they dissipated to show Tom in his usual torn up outfit. He was on the floor instead of his desk this time. It was one of two spots he appeared at.

Tom stood there, and Marco sat where he was. The silence in the air was extremely heavy and crushing Marco's heart. Tom was staring at Marco. The latinx boy opened his mouth to ask what Tom wanted to talk about but Tom beat him to it.

"Good. You're.. sitting." Marco's eyebrows just furrowed. This wasn't a good important thing, was it. He asked himself silently. The demon seemed to think out his next works carefully and delivered them slowly.

"Marco. I'm breaking up with you." Tom casually avoided Marco's face after that, seeming to feel guilty. And the humans heart skipped a beat hard enough where it felt time stopped.

"Wh..what?" He asked the demon in front of him, he heard it, but it wasn't clicking. It wasn't real, not yet. His mouth felt dry, he thinks he's gaping at Tom but he can't feel it. Tom leaned against the desk, almost sitting on it and looked at the ground, continuing what he was saying.

"I said, we're breaking up. I don't love you anymore." And with words Marco's heart cracked. He stood up, trying to look Tom in the face. His insides were a swirl of emotions. What was he feeling? Was he even here? Was he still asleep?

"Is this a joke? It's not very funny.." He tried to glare at Tom but his gaze softened. He couldn't even be annoyed at him. For a demon, Tom was like an angel for him. Tom shook his head, a flash of annoyance crossing his features.

"I mean, I don't love you anymore. I fell out of love." It was put so simply from Tom that Marco was still unsure that this wasn't joke. Going with the less painful option subconsciously, the human forced a smile and fake laughed.

"Haha. Good one.. Is this a demon version of April Fools or something? You got me." Inside, he felt like he was shriveling up but he suppressed it. His hands clenched. Tom crossed his arms and sneered at Marco, frustration growing with his.. boyfriend. Ex boyfriend now. Was Marco really getting into denial with this? He thought Marco of all people would understand, maybe he was wrong. Thanks to him in the past, Tom's reign on his anger was a lot better, so he wasn't at risk of blowing up here, but that didn't mean he couldn't get angry.

"I don't have time for this. We're over, Marco. I. Don't. Love. You. This is goodbye." He ground out, flashing his fangs. Taking a step towards Tom, Marco stopped, arms out. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. It still felt like a bad dream. It wouldn't be the first time Marco had a dream like this. This one was so realistic though to him. He didn't know.

"You.. don't mean that. Come on.. You love me right? Right?" His voice cracked as Marco practically begged Tom. Taking another step closing, Marco wanted to hug Tom tight and cry into him. Despite being near tears earlier, he couldn't seem to actually cry now. Instead of Tom taking Marco up in his arms Tom backed away from the boy and narrowed his eyes at him. That wasn't good, or typical for that matter, body language from his boyfriend.

"What the- Marco stop!" Tom shouted at him, then quieted down after feeling self conscious, gritting his teeth.

"We're over. I don't love you. I'm leaving." He stated again, turning to do so, preparing to summon a portal home in the form of flames. Marco choked out a dry sob, reaching for Tom but not daring to actually grab him. He let Tom leave, and he sat himself on the floor. He wrapped himself up in his arms and hugged himself. He burst into tears after he let out a whimper, trying to remember to breathe. After that, he was like he was watching himself. He watched as Star burst into his room and ask what happened and he not even reply but look at the scorch marks in the floor through blurred vision.

Star hugged him and sat with him, trying to get him to stop crying but it wouldn't stop. He knew that. He couldn't even feel Star touching him but he could see it. Could see her arms and her hair and her concerned face. Her voice that sounded faraway saying how awful Tom was and how she was going to 'talk' to him which was Star for beat him black and blue. A slight movement. He shook his head. Star demanding a why. He hurt him.

And suddenly it came rushing back and overwhelmed him. He choked out a few sobs, his shoulders sobbing. He turned and buried his face into Star's hair, fingers gripping his shirt. Marco just let go of the hold he had on everything. He probably looked miserable and disgusting.

"I loved him.. I love him." He just kept repeating. Star started to petting Marco's unruly slept in hair with one hand, the other holding her wand and conjuring nice things for Marco, trying to cheer him up.

"He's a jerk.. He didn't deserve you. Are you sure you don't want me to talk to him? I will. Right now." Star offered to her best friend, fury in her eyes. How dare Tom hurt her bestie. And the way he did it too, that was cruel. Marco kept shaking his head no, trying to form words.

"Ssstar.. I don't think." He paused, gulping, before starting up again.

"I don't think I can go to school today." He felt an awful lot like sleeping all day. He's been hurt before, emotionally, physically. However this was nothing like those times. Marco knew realistically that he wasn't dying, but it felt that way to him. Star brought her wand up to her mouth and started chewing on it, thinking. Talking around it she exclaimed,

"Then I'll skip with you!" Though it sounded more like "ten ill skif waff yu!"A sense of guilt bit him.

"No.. You mmm you don't have to." He forced out, trying to stop from sobbing. They were getting less violent but the tears were still flowing. His bestie gave him a loud "Pshaw!" and popped the wand out from her mouth, using it to gesture while talking.

"Marco.. I want to! What kinda best bestie would I be if I just go to school without you? A bad one!" She answered her own rhetorical question. Marco should know by now the lengths she was willing to go to make sure Marco was happy. If it meant being a bad kid, she would do it. She went back to chewing on his wand, thinking more.

"Star.." Marco protested weakly, not having the energy to insist that she go to class to keep her grades up or to get the work for him. Once Star decided something, it was very hard to change her mind. Finally done sobbing, Marco leaned into Star for support and focused on breathing, though her hair was getting into his nostrils, he didn't care. He needed to sleep but he didn't want to move yet. Being held by Star was calming. The entire scenario just minutes ago exhausted him deep in his bones.

"Don't worry Marco.. I got you." She mumbled to him, smiling. She had planning to do.


	2. almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who let me write this

It had been a few days and Marco hasn't been getting any better. He was still laying in bed, sleeping mostly. He would frequently cry in his sleep or cry out for his ex. Whenever the latinx was awake he would be eerily silent. It was obvious enough that his parents had gotten involved and demanded Star to tell them what was wrong with their son. The interdimensional princess told them everything she knew and felt guilt pang in her heart at Angie and Rafael's tearful faces.

Marco's reaction to this breakup was alarming, and since then they'd been taking care of him. Trying to get him to eat, take care of himself, or even get up for school. To no avail. Star chipped in, mostly in the form of sitting next to him and talking to him, hoping he would respond. Sometimes he would smile at a joke she said which kept hope alive for her that Marco would get better and move on over that awful jerk.

One day Marco could be heard walking around upstairs in his room. Angie leaned into her husband and whispered loudly to him,

"Do you think he'll come downstairs?" Rafael responded with a sad negative. They both have been discussing in their room, late at night, whether they should put Marco in therapy. What they were doing for him wasn't enough. It broke their hearts and scared them, immensely. Of course it would, they had never seen their child like this.

Star who had sitting in the living room with them, took the initiative and got up and bounded up the stairs to her friend's room. She gave a light knock, standing on her tip toes in her horned boots, before pushing the door open. What she saw, she had no idea what she was seeing. It chilled and shocked her deep down. Marco had his back to her, standing on top of a chair, a kind of rope mechanism around his neck and he looked like- She didn't know. Marco pushed the chair away. Somebody was screaming. Oh, it was her.

Marco was dangling there and she was absolutely, undoubtedly, terrified and frozen in place. Rafael barreled into the room with Angie not far behind, color drained from their faces. Star was pushed out of the way to the ground, she didn't mind too much right now. Rafael picked Marco up and held him so he could breathe again while trying to find something to cut the rope down or reach where he could untie it.

Eyes full of big bubbly tears, Star snapped out of it and shouted an improvised spell and pointed at the rope with her wand.

"Bad Day Rope Begone!" A beam of light shot out and hit the rope causing it to dissolve into nothing. She sunk to the floor, biting her nails. While this was happening Marco had started struggling against his dad and loudly insisting he be let go. Marco bit his father, but it did nothing. Rafael brought him properly into his arms to hold him which made his son angrier.

"WHY? Why couldn't you let me die! I HAVE to!" He roared at his parents and best friend, trembling. His mom behind all three of them put her hand to her mouth, weakly muttering,

"Mijo.." Demeanor changing rapidly she spoke to Rafael, not angry at him but done at this situation,

"That's it. Therapy isn't an option anymore. He needs it, now." Rafael let Marco touch the floor and let go of him to turn towards his wife, arguing back to her. The boy stood there, still trembling violently, and breathing raspy and deep because of the pressure on his neck caused by the noose. He brought a hand up to feel his neck and looked over to the discarded chair. It took him a long time to procure that rope. He then looked over to Star who was still crying. His parents arguing did not help the mood.

"I was supposed to die.. He wanted me to die." Marco mumbled, sitting in the mentioned chair. Star, hearing this somehow between her own sobs and the adults loud voices, snapped her head over to stare hard into Marco's eyes.

"Don't you DARE Marco! Who wanted you to, Tom!?" Pushing herself up to her feet she stalked over to Marco, continuing,

"Did you even think about US?" She all but screamed, gesturing to herself and his mom and dad who looked at them for a second. She shook her head. She knew Marco didn't think about her or them.. He wouldn't have done this had he. This wasn't even the Marco she knew. Not anymore.

"I..I. I am supposed to do what he wants!" He retorted, stuttering. He wanted to curl up on the chair, into the smallest ball he could manage. But it was a plain computer chair, very uncomfortable. He tried anyway, knees to his chest. He was still in his pajamas from days ago, never changing since the breakup.

The mewman scoffed, leaning forward, whereas Marco leaned back into his chair. Was he serious? Of course he was, but why did he even believe that.. This was definitely not her Marco. He changed at some point, but when?

"Really, and he told you go die? He wanted you dead?" Star asked in a low voice. She doubted it.. Tom was horrible and cruel but even he wouldn't stoop this low. However, had he actually did that, she would definitely be having a talk with him. Marco hesitated before shaking his head.. Tom hadn't told him that. He might as well have though, in his mind. Star leaned back then, letting the emotional exhaustion become obvious.

"H-he, said. He said he didn't want to be friends.. either.." That automatically raised a red flag in Star's brain, ignoring his parents still she rubbed the tears from her eyes and glared at him.

"You've been talking to him still, after everything he's done to you? Are you cray-ay-aazy!?" You don't keep talking to your ex after you break up.. That's probably one of the first rules of breaking up. That and deleting them off your mirror but she still ignored that one. It's not like Tom kept calling her after they broke up. This is about Marco, not her own relationship with Tom, she told herself mentally.

"Shut up!" Marco rasped at her, coughing into his hand to clear his throat. She didn't get it.. She was with Tom but she didn't, doesn't feel the same as him. Did she even love him? Marco loved Tom. More than anything. He would do anything for him. The latinx boy was a mess without him, then he said he wasn't coming back. He didn't see a point in living with him, he couldn't even imagine how he managed before Tom was with him. Each instance of his demon's name thought and said put a pang in his heart. He gripped his shirt over his heart, teeth grit.

Star did stop, actually. She stood there in personal silence, eyeing Marco and thinking deeply. Perhaps she shouldn't put off the trip to see Tom after all. There was a burning in her, seeing Marco like this.. because of her ex boyfriend, THEIR ex boyfriend now. It was horrible, Marco didn't deserve to feel this way.. He shouldn't feel like he had to die either to make Tom happy. Marco deserved to be happy, without Tom. She wanted to make him happy no matter what, she realized.

"..I will fix this." Star determined, mostly to herself. She would not stop until she did. Marco looked through her silently, back to floating away from himself. The faraway glazed look in his eyes creeped her out. She'd make sure Marco never went away like that again, either.


	3. crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks for enjoying my writing so far lol

Another couple of days passed and Marco had been in therapy since his suicide attempt. He protested it at first, Rafael jumped on the chance to convince Angie that their son didn’t need it. However, Angie had the final say, and so Marco was in counseling. It was uneventful overall, but Marco felt he had an outlet now. His next appointment was next week.. It couldn’t come soon enough he felt. Star kept bugging him about what it was like, and he snapped at her. It shut up her up quickly but the way Star looked guilted him deeply.

Marco took to avoiding her when he could, instead of apologizing to her like he normally would have. How past him would’ve done that. He thought about it constantly, how he snapped, how he was avoiding her, how he knew he should stop, but he just couldn’t. The latinx’s anger at himself was building, and as a result was developing self destructive behaviors. It was easy to hide, he wasn’t self harming he told himself. 

Star one day let herself into his room without knocking, huffing and flopping onto his bed on her stomach. She looked ‘done’, to summarize it. Marco turned from his spot as his desk to watch her, growing nervous. Before anything could be said, Star groaned loudly.

“Things have been sooooooo awful, Marco..” She continued after her groan, looking at him from her spot on his bed. Which was comfortable, but not as comfortable as her own. He found himself asking before he could bite his tongue,

“Why, what happened?” Star pushed herself up with her elbows and raised a thin eyebrow. The look made Marco even more nervous than before and he rubbed his palms on his jeans. Was he missing something? The poor boy looked so confused that Star answered finally.

“You and I haven’t been talking, duh!” Marco turned around properly to face her upon hearing this, biting his bottom lip. He knew this very well, he didn’t even have an excuse. Meanwhile Star just watched him, wondering if he was going to say anything. The pause has now became awkward. Any longer and she’d just leave the room. Because really?

“Uh.. I know. I’m sorry, Star. I just-” Marco cut himself off. It was pointless to try to explain, it would just be a poor excuse. Sighing and slumping in his computer chair, he hid his eyes with his hands.

“I’m really sorry..” He’d try not to avoid her anymore. It was horrible of him. She was his best bestie.. And here he was barely acting like a friend. Star bounced up next to him suddenly and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Marco felt himself blush almost like it was cued.

“I forgive you Marco! You got your.. stuff going on.” She gestured with her hand before saying ‘stuff’, and beamed at him. Marco smiled back, still nervous. He didn’t have an idea why.

“Now,” Star started, holding his shoulders and leaning back, “I want to hang out! We haven’t had a Friend Day in soooo long...” Her eyes were wide and she looked extremely serious. Being stared like this by Star who was practically in his face wasn’t helping him feel less nervous. Though maybe it was more than nerves. His cheeks felt hot and he was trying to look anywhere but Star’s eyes. Star didn’t notice any of this somehow and repeated herself.

“So. Long, Marco.” Marco laughed nervously and took Star’s hands and pushed them off his shoulders, laugh dying. He let go and stuffed them into his pockets, sitting up.

“Uh, Star.. Do we.. have to?” Immediately after asking that he felt bad again. It’s not that he didn’t want to, he just had something going on and Star wasn’t helping.. He wasn’t even doing much, he already finished his homework, Marco was just sitting here thinking about things. And sorting through things that reminded him of T... his ex. His eyes drifted to the side of him where his notebook was open with columns of bad things he couldn’t enjoy anymore.

He wanted to finish it up really, really badly. Star however wasn’t going to take no for an answer and was already putting up a fuss. Sighing he tuned his thoughts back to reality.

“-it wouldn’t even be an adventure! We’re just.. Going to watch the magic moving box!” He nodded at her. He guessed he could take a break. His process would always be there when he got back. He threw a smile at Star.

“Okay.. That sounds good actually.” Star stopped and blinked at her best friend, before her entire person lit up and she grabbed Marco’s hand to drag him downstairs with her. Marco let himself be dragged with her and stared at her hair and back, dopey look on his face. Star was so passionate and energetic, he liked that about her. As soon as he had that thought he stiffened up and whispered,

“Oh no.”  
\--------

Over the next day and a half Marco has been struggling with his newfound crush on Star. He knew he was bi, he had a crush on Jackie before T came in and swept him off his feet, that wasn’t the issue. It was that he and Star were best friends and they lived together. It made interacting with her very awkward but he tried to do it as much as possible, instead of avoiding her. 

Marco was still struggling with his moods and has snapped a lot more at anybody who just happened to be around him when he got irritated. Which turned out to be Star more often than not and upon calming would apologize profusely. Star was so patient with him it made him.. feel a lot. It was almost like crushing on Jackie, but a lot different too. Marco and Star knew a lot about each other, they were practically family. Which is why Marco kept it under wraps. She would never feel the same.

Star had gone out with her wand and scissors at some point, he barely noticed because he was concentrating on math. The sound of her coming back was enough to make him pause his work. She was seething, breathing heavy and looked a bit singed. The ruffled look made her look hot. His cheeks turned red immediately.

“Star? You okay?” That was a stupid question, admittedly, but if she was okay then things were okay. Star shook her head, inhaling deeply and trying to calm herself. She sat at the edge of Marco’s bed and sat her wand in her lap, finger brushing through her hair. 

“I went to have a talk with Tom.” The mewman breathed out, catching her breath finally. The latinx boy flinched at the name, and almost hid under his desk impulsively. He stopped himself before he could though. Star took the silence as a sign to continue.

“I got so angry. It wasn’t like me. But.. He said he didn’t do anything.” She laughed sarcastically. Marcos heart sunk and he thinned his lips. He didn’t like to talk about him. He didn’t like to hear about him. Or even hear his name. He even referred to him as T when it was unavoidable, maybe Star didn’t realize how much his name and the thought of him hurt Marco.

“But he did, he made you almost die. I could’ve lost you. And he just-! He doesn’t think he did anything bad!” She was getting emotional again, and Marco wanted to comfort her but he couldn’t speak right now, his body wouldn’t let him. He found himself moving towards her to sit next to her and put a hand on her back. He didn’t remember standing up. Upon being seated next to her, Star burst into tears and grabbed Marco into a hug which he hesitantly returned.

He rubbed her back as she sobbed into his signature red hoodie, wishing his voice would work. When his friend started calming down he blurted out, stuttering,

“S-star, will you g-go-o out with me?” His entire face was tomato red after that. Star pulled back from Marco’s hoodie and blinked at him with tired red eyes. She lost her words for a moment due to shock. Sniffing hard, she gaped at him. Marco backpedaled.

“Uh.. I m-mean.. as friends.. A friend date. Friends do that all the time. Yup!” He tried to smile, but it came out as grimace. He sucked at this, why did he even say that? Didn’t he just decided to never confess to her? Now he was asking her out. He was stupid.

“Marco.. Do you really feel that way for me?” Star asked softly, her own cheeks a healthy pink. She never thought Marco would EVER.. He always seemed so caught up on Jackie and Tom, she never bothered confessing her own crush on him. The mewman figured Marco wouldn’t feel that way, even if it hurt her to realize that. Here he was though, asking her out.

“I.. I.. I don’t know? Maybe?” He admitted, mostly to himself. He really didn’t. Things were confusing, and he felt way too much at any one time. Star not auto rejecting him confused him even more than he thought possible.

“Okay.. We can find out, then? Because I like you too, actually.” She mumbled this while looking at her lap, teared all dried up. She still didn’t feel good emotionally after her interaction with the demon ex.

“Wow.. Alright, Star.” He responded, almost out of it. This was.. better than expected. Way better, truthfully. He held Star still there, it settling in slowly that he was dating his best friend now, which made his stomach feel weird. He wasn’t sure if it was joy or dread. Things would be different now.. Very different.


End file.
